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Rank: Newbie
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Joined: 10/31/2011
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Hi
I am new to Pagan and Wiccan culture and I have just registered here a few day ago.
My mother is a buddihst, I was influnced by her a lot when I was younger and I became interested in the gods and deities of different religions, I learned about Wiccan through someone who I've recently met and I felt it might help me to overcome my problems.
I have been experiencing some rather odd feelings for the past 2 years, I felt like there is an empty hole within the right part of my chest and it keeps expanding whenever I think about it. When that happen, I felt like there is a ring of fire around the edge of the hole, slowly burning the ground around it and slowly expanding outward. This is how I am feeling now as I am typing the words.
There is heat on this ring, it stings and it brings rage, I have to spend lots of effort to have the rage contained within myself. its very cold and somewhat painful in the center of the hole and almost the opposite around the edge.
This had caused problems for me, I often find it difficult to respond to people as I have fight against those anger at same time as I am talking to others, a lot of times I had to force myself to smile when people are very nice to me, and the worst thing is I am always out of words when that happens. Its like as if the rage within yourself is trying to block you from being nice to others.
My own strategy at the moment is to not think about that as much as I can, the expansion would then come to an halt and I can somewhat keep the anger in their place.
I also had a dream a few weeks earlier, in there I saw a woman and man, the woman looked a lot like a friend of mine and we were all naked. the woman was talking to us in a way as if she is trying to lure us into undersirable situations, the man looked at me and I felt a lot of resentment from him, this feeling of resement is similar to the feeling of coldness and pain in the middle of the hole within my left chest.
prior to falling asleep, I remember hearing voices flying from one side of my head to the other, I cannot remember what those voice are saying, they sounds like sinister whispers similar to the voice of the golem from the Lord of the Rings.
I know these all sounds very strange, I have been thinking whether I should find a consuller and explain the situation to them. However I have also been wondering if there can be any Wiccan explaination for such painstaking situation. or perhaps rituals I could perform to lighten my burden?
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Rank: Newbie
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anyways, I have been wondering whether the above things was caused purely by my own negativity? or can there be external forces effecting people and impede whatever they want to achive in their life?
I did came across a major crisis about 2 years ago, it almost completely changed my view of the world and those around me, I remeber I was really negative at that point.
Things are fine now, however that feeling appeared to have being planted on my back ever since, and it gets stonger whenever I think about it.
I've compared that with the post traumatic syndrome some soliders had after experiencing horrific battle scences, whenever they think about it, the terrible feeling will come back and it all feels fresh. So perhaps this is just a psycological issue.
However, on the other hand, I remeber my mother was saying that the prolonged feeling of negativity can also be caused by external energies or spirits people had attracted to themselves either in their present or past lives, she once felt extermely negative and according her, there was lots of bad spirits trying to pull her down and it took her ten years of meditative practice to resovle her problem.
I cannot do things as she did as I would never have such luxury of time.
Also with dream I've mention earlier, I've been thinking if there are bad spirits trying to bring harm to both myself and my felmale friend. As according my mother, whenever I have dreams like that, it means there are dark energies attracted to both me and my friend, and I should do some solitary practise to channel those energies away from us.
According to Scott Cunningham in his book Wicca A Guide For The Solitary Practioner: 'Magic is the practice of moving natural energies to effect needed change.' I have therefore been thinking whether there can be ways for us to direct the energy flows both within and around us, perhaps attracting more positive engeries and channeling away or diminishing the negative ones.
I am sorry that I sounds like an alien in here, I think I might be talking about something thats not within the topic area of this board, I do apologise about that.
Also please do let me know if there are boards thats is more suitable this kind of topic and I shall move this post over.
I do not usually talk about things like this to people as many find it difficult to comphrehend what I mean. I do apologize if that happens to be the case for everyone in here.
I do intend to respect subject area of the board. I'll have this post removed should there be no reply in one week, I do not want to post things thats irrelevant to people's practice in here.
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Joined: 11/8/2010
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Merry Meet Mechanised Scorpion What a flummox you seem to be in hey? I truely am feeling for you right now. Forgive me if you think I am being rude but have you spoken to your GP about how you are feeling? Whilst The craft can aid emotions and give an aura of positivity it is not meant to be a crutch to get through life. Sometimes emotions, our life and social experiences get in the way and how we were brought up in addition how would we reflect back, prepare to go to summerland and return to Mother Earth a better Person? I know that I have a very fractured relationship with my mum and many many moons ago decided to go where my gut instincts were telling me to go. Fortunately I have had a very happy and fulfilling life that I reflect on in my middle years with great happiness and no regrets. I like the other wonderful individuals who are part of this forum will offer words of wisdom but not advice. All I can suggest is try and chat to your GP and read all you can of this wonderful way of life Blessed Be Majadim
Quote:There are three things that can never be hidden, the sun, the moon and the truth Blessed Be, Majadim )0(
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Thank you Majadim
I really appreciate your concern for my problem and your symphathy for me as an individual.
I am trying to avoid thinking about it at the moment, the situation at the moment appears to be that, as long as thats not on the mind, my life get carried on as usual and things appears to be fine.
However, if I see or hear about something that reminds me those experience, there is not only the emotional discomfort, but also physical feeling of pain and disgust, I was sometimes in a situation where I had been using a lot of my effort, tried to supress those feelings within myself, this is especially the case when I am with other people since I do not want to cast the negativities onto them, it is regrettable when people start to distant themselves from me because of my display of negativity in front of them, and that did happen in the past.
I think you are right, I should tell a doctor about this, I am going to book an appointment with my GP this week and see if there is anything can be done.
Thanks Again
When you say ''prepare to go to summerland and return to Mother Earth a better Person'', I am curious about the meaning of Summerland here, what kind of place is it and how will it be like?
Also how long is a Moon?
Sorry about my poor English, I am still trying to learn it.
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Joined: 11/8/2010
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 Hello Mechanised Scorpion Summerland is where followers of the Craft travel to when we pass on Moons is a term that I use to describe a long but not prescriptive period of time In addition to going to your GP there is a fantastic therapy called EFT. Emotional Freedom Therapy. It generally is not available on the NHS but can be searched on the internet for certified practionersYour written English is good, you have to be more positive which I know is hard when you are feeling low as you are. Start with the little things, what went well today try to reflect daily. For a start a compliment in the afor sentience 'your written english is good' You will get there but we need to relearn that terrible habit called  patience . BB Majadim
Quote:There are three things that can never be hidden, the sun, the moon and the truth Blessed Be, Majadim )0(
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Rank: Member
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Joined: 11/13/2011
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Merry meet all, It seems that you may have a past delinquent following you into this life, i do perhaps suggest these websitehttp://www.wix.com/idontbite1555/darkmagikalarts
it is a website set up to deal with similar situations, contacting the creator may provide fruitful...
Blessed Be
Berenike
Maiatzaren ama iluna betiko babesten
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MOON PHASE
Clear your negative energy with the healing notes of the Tibetan Singing Bowls. 
